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I'm very tired, and I don't really feel like writing, but I should anyway, just in case the MCP shenanigans continue past Friday. I figure if I write everything as it's happening, I'll remember more and have a fuller account should things get more absurd.

I had a conversation with the Dean of Students this morning on the phone that lasted for about 20 minutes. We set up a meeting for Friday at 4pm to discuss "potential disciplinary action," I believe was the phrase. That sort of dumbfounded me and I wasn't sure what she meant, but she explained that I might be in violation of some of the policies laid out in the student handbook. More specifically, my rant could have been construed as threatening. Against who, I'm not sure. Another possibility was that I did not act in a professional manner, which apparently extends outside the bounds of MCP. Perhaps, but then, I can think of a lot of things that people say and do that are not professional. You could make an argument that having a bowel movement the wrong way is unprofessional, so I think that argument is a crock of shit too — no pun intended — and it serves as a potential catchall for anything they don't like. Seriously, just because we're pharmacy students doesn't mean we're all running for Jesus or anything.

The fact of the matter is, MCP is getting some fairly negative publicity by my rant being so prominent when someone searches for "mcphs", and they're going to do everything in their power to make it go away. They'd be fools not too — I know I would if I were in the administration. But bullying is not the way to get it done. Maybe you can bully the majority of the sheeple in the world, but not all. Some people say I'm too stubborn for my own good, because I never give up until every possible realistic recourse has been exhausted. In the case of stifling free speech… well I'm not going to get into that until after Friday.

Since I know you administrative types at MCP are reading this, I'd just like to say that you catch more bees with honey than with vinegar. And to the faculty that I also know are also probably reading this, I would just like to say that just about all of you rock; none of what I said was directed at you. And to the others who think I'm just a stupid kid whining about school, you might be right. But if that's all I am, then why the 3-ring circus?

In more MCP news, I'll be taking a leave of absence for the Fall semester. It's sort of depressing that I'll be a year behind, but that's my own fault. I don't blame the administration for me falling a year behind — I know the rules: I just think the policies regarding progressing from one year to the next, suck.

Anyway, I told my boss about everything that's happened lately. The meeting on Friday, and the leave of absence. He asked me why I rock the boat, and why don't I conform? The answer is twofold.

First of all, I don't want to be a pharmacist. (There, I said it.) Pharmacy was always something to fall back on that could give me a nice life if nothing else worked out; it was just something to do if my grand ambitions of eventually ending up a billionaire philanthropist somehow didn't work out. (Hah!) The second part of why I don't conform is simply because I cannot. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did, and I think it would be a slap in the face to my parents if I didn't stand up for what I believe to be morally right.

He also asked me why I just didn't keep my mouth shut for a few more years until I'm collecting "the big paycheck." The answer to that is because I'll be too fucking comfortable then, and I'll get fat and stupid and be too busy enjoying myself to rock the boat. Because the status quo will be in my favor then, and instead of taking the risks that might tilt it even more my way, I'll be conservative because the risks are, well, risky, and instead I'll be content to just let it ride. Ambitious people with nothing are so much better off than ambitious people with something: they've got so much less to lose if they fail.

I find it funny that some of the same people that are so vehement about how people should stand up for themselves shy away so quickly when an adversary so much bigger than them comes along. All of a sudden, standing up for what you believe in doesn't seem like such a good idea because it's not easy or comfortable. It seems imprudent.

But when you get right down to it, what's the worst that could happen? I could get booted out of school (unlikely), and I'll have $100K in student loans to start paying off, assuming I don't just go re-enroll somewhere else. Big fucking deal. Donald Trump was once in the hole $8 billion.

There's no age limit to standing up for yourself, nor is there an age limit for rocking the boat or disturbing the status quo. The younger you start, the better your chances for overwhelming success (and conversely, failure) instead of boring mediocrity. Pick and choose your battles carefully, but never compromise your character. When I was younger, people older than me always said that they wished that young people would have more backbone to stand up for something. But when they finally do something that makes them stand out, they get told to sit down and shut the fuck up because all of a sudden, they don't like what those younger people have to say about their system.

Fuck that. You can't please everyone. I will always speak my mind, no matter how unpopular it might be.

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