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Over the last few days, I've had almost no time at all to do basic things like keep my room neat, write, do whatever. Between work and social commitments, I've just not had the time.

I was looking forward to today to being able to clean my room (a disaster area), get some writing done, plan out a few things for classes next week, etc. I got all of it done in the space of 2 hours. I even mowed the lawn. Typically, this makes for a good day, but really, doing all that stuff has been ordinary. Even commonplace. A typical day for me is 1) work 2) home-cooked food 3) 2 hours of insane, uninterrupted productivity and 4) relaxing for an hour or two. In general, my "average" days are days most people I know would kill to have with any regularity.

Of course it wasn't always like that for me. Instead, I had to work at it for about 2 months before I got the hang of it. (See my productivity series.

I have nothing to sink my teeth into

Yet I am unhappy tonight. It's early, and I spent most of the evening relaxing. But relaxing is only nice when you've been particularly busy, stressed out, or need a break from XYZ. In my case, I have nothing that I need to escape from: there's nothing I *should* be doing that I haven't already done, or put things in motion to get accomplished.

Motion keeps me happy. Interacting with other people keeps me happy. My default emotion is happiness and contentment. I'm not hurried or stressed or otherwise feeling any negative emotion that I need to overcome and/or escape from by relaxing. I don't need or want a vacation. I want more activity. I am happiest when I am being with people doing something, or working on something challenging. For a while, the challenge was learning how to be a productive, happy human being, as I was discovering as I wrote in my productivity series. Learning those things was my challenge for a little while. Now I am better equipped to conquer something new, and I have nothing to conquer. I feel a bit like Alexander the Great perhaps did — "what now?" I feel like something is right around the corner, and I learned these skills to better be able to tackle these future challenges. So they wouldn't trip me up and cause me to fail. Maybe it will be classes in the coming weeks.

In the meantime, I yearn to build something or create something or learn something. (Preferably something interesting. ;))

My social contacts are few

I've largely broken off contact with quite a few people for various reasons. Others are somewhat more difficult to keep in contact with because they are busier than me. (Or they just don't manage their time wisely so they consequently have less meaningful free time.)

I am also lacking in the relationship department. For a long time I didn't want a ball-and-chaingirlfriend. Until about 3 months ago, I've been perfectly happy being single since Kim and I parted ways. Now I feel like something is missing.

I've been told my standards are too high by more than one person. Perhaps they are. I prefer to think of it as not settling. I realize there's a fine line, but is wanting someone open-minded, eager to learn and experience new things such a terrible thing? Probably not. I do have a disadvantage, and that is my age. "Most people" don't learn what I've learned in the last 12 months until they're much older. (According to both of my parents and older mentors.) Woopty-do. Most women that I'm interested in dismiss me out-of-hand once they learn how old I am. I guess that's okay, but it sort of sucks for now.

Difficulty relating to others

I have some difficulty relating to others also. I tend to think in shades of gray and try to consider all possible scenarios before forming an opinion. I don't do this consciously, or to feel "superior" to others in some way, it's just something I do. I can't help it, and even if I could, I wouldn't change it.

As such, I find it difficult to have conversations with "most" people. By and large, people like to complain about whatever, and that's just not me. (I realize this post could be considered complaining, and there might be some irony in that, but really I'm just exploring my own thoughts through the written word which is the best way for me to do my best thinking. In general, you won't really find someone happier than me. I often find myself grinning like an idiot for no conscious reason… perhaps it's the madness. :scared: :p)

I find the more I know about something, the less likely I am to complain about it, because I understand why that perceived antagonist is the way it is. It's usually not The Man trying to screw me, you, or anyone else. It's that way because of 13654 reasons that can be elucidated if one were but to ask.

I also don't tend to remain upset or angry about things. I like to let things go, and as such gossip doesn't much interest me. In fact, I find it tiresome and petty. It aggravates some people that I don't participate, and so they are less likely to talk to me. (Which is a good thing, I suppose.)

Strange. This post is so negative, yet I am not discontent. Sure I feel down sometimes, like I did when I first started writing this post, but I'm not particularly down at the moment. I guess I feel like I'm slowly going 'round a corner, waiting for the next surprise in store for me, and that whatever that surprise is, it's going to be big and wonderful, and will have been totally worth the wait when it comes.

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